The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss



The Response:

Dear P. Niss,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,

The administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina

Hair-dryer

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits; and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through Customsfor me? Under your robes perhaps?""I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.""With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.

"When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.

"The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father."Next."

City Lights of the World

I delighted that I got these pictures from a Mun Loong. The City lights during a night at these cities are just awesome. I hope and wish I will be able to visit these countries and see it with my own eyes. Although I have not been to these places before, I glad I could witness it now.

Toronto


Washington


Niagara Falls


Moscow


Los Angeles


London


Denver


Las Vegas


Petersburg



Which city you like best?

Making a baby. This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
decided to use a surrogate father to start their
family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive,
Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well,
I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell,
hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he
said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in,
embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well,
that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please
come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do
we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on
the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun.
You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But if we try several different
positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm
sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his
time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but
I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out
a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on
the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her
throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well -
when you consider their mother was so difficult to
work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to
the park to get the job done right. People were
crowding around four and five deep to get a good
look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide
with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than
three hours, too. The mother was constantly
squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate,
and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my
equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they
actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll
set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my
Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand
very long.'


Mrs. Smith fainted