Nine months later

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realise it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'


'Don't worry ,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do 'said Bob'.

'Did you, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'


'She just died and left me everything.'


(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... You know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)

Chinese Pearls

The principal oyster beds lay in the Persian Gulf, along the coasts of India and Sri Lanka, and in the Red Sea. There are 2 types of pearls, that is saltwater and freshwater pearls. Do you know that Chinese pearls came mainly from freshwater rivers and ponds?

Chinese pearls come in a variety of hues including pink, apricot (yellowish orange), peach (pinkish orange), champagne (slightly pinkish yellow), plum (reddish violet), bronze (reddish brown), and every shade in between. Unlike black pearls, these pearls can be bleached white by prolonged exposure to the sun or by soaking the pearl in a bleaching agent for several hours. Natural color Chinese freshwater pearls should be stored in a darkened environment in order to preserve the natural pastel color, since they may fade with long exposure to sunlight.

Anyway, there are equally good pearls!

Free Sex Contestants

Two men, AhChong and AhBeng drove to a gas station for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the station to patrons who purchase a full tank of petrol. When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.

"If you win, you're entitled to free sex," said the attendant.

AhChong: How do we enter?

"Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free sex."

AhChong: O.K. I guess 7,

"Sorry, I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again"

The next week, the two men returned to the same station to get petrol. When they went inside to pay, AhBeng asked the attendant if the contest was still going on.

"Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right. You win free sex."


AhBeng: I'll guess number "2"

"Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again."

As they walked back to the car, AhChong said to AhBeng,"You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged."

"No way," said the AhBeng. "My wife won twice last week."

Monkey in the plane

Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.

Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions.

The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: 'When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Tying their belts'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Saying Hello! Good morning!'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Checking the system'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Looking for my people'

Officer: 'After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Having beverages and snacks'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Serving the travelers'

Officer: 'What were the Pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Eating & throwing'

Officer: 'After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'Some were sleeping and some were reading'

Officer: 'What were the air hostesses doing?'
Monkey: 'Make up'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the steering'

Officer: 'What were you doing?'
Monkey: 'Nothing'

Officer: 'Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?'
Monkey: 'All were sleeping'

Officer: 'What were the pilots doing?'
Monkey: 'Handling the air hostess'

Officer: What were you doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!

No more Questions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Technology Tires by Michelin

I was browsing through the my old files and came a cross these next generation new tires. They are designed by Michelin. How nice if our country have these type of tires. I wondered if these type of tires will stand the heat on our road. These airless tires looked so slim and if travel from Kuala Lumpur to Haadyai I'm guess these tires will dry up to the rim! Muahahahaha.

However, the advantages of these tires are :-

a) No more air valves.

b) No need to pump air at the gas station.

c) No more repair kids.

d) No more flat tire!

I wondered how much does it cost for each tires. Anyone knows?

Reincarnation

Steve came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe "Who are you?" demanded Steve, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"

The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter."


Steve was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . You've got to send me back straight away." St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."

Steve was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Steve, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode." "You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before."

"Never" replies Steve.

"Well just relax and let it happen"


And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting...

Steve!!, wake up you drunk ass*#@%, you've shit in the bed!

The Polar Bear and the Husky Dogs

Strange that animals in the wild can come in peace but then we humans seems to be perpetually at war with each other, within organizations political and non political alike. If you don't already think animals are far more spiritually advanced than we humans, think again. Stuart Brown describes Norbert Rosing's striking images of a wild polar bear coming upon tethered sled dogs in the wilds of Canada 's Hudson Bay.

Don't mess with woman

A couple Mr Smith and his wife goes on vacation to a fishing resort in a lake . The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning Mr Smith returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors the boat and settles in to read her book. It was nice and aa quite place to concentrate on reading her book.

About an hour later, there comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

Mrs Smith: Reading a book (thinking it rather obvious).

Warden: You're in a restricted fishing area.

Mrs Smith: I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading.

Warden: Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know, you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.

Mrs Smith: If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault.

Warden: But I haven't touched you

Mrs Smith: That's true, but you have "all the equipment", for all I know you could start at any moment.

Warden: Have a nice day, ma'am as the warden motors away.

What does marriage means - Some cartoons

Red Indian with one testicle

There once was an Red Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was "Onestone"
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, one day Onestone finally cracked and said...If anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill him.

The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue bird forgot and said, Good morning, Onestone.

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.

'Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!




What is the moral of this story?????...........................take a guess will ya? Think about it.


















You can't kill two birds with one stone! Muahahaha!!!!

The Hippie & The Nun

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her, and asks her:

'Can we have sex ?'

'No,' she replies, 'I'm married to God.'

She then stands up and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver who overheard, turns to the hippie and says, 'I can tell you
how to have sex with her!'

'Yeah?', says the hippie.

'Yeah', says the bus driver. 'She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night
at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a
hood, so that your face is covered, put some luminous powder in your beard,
and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God.'

The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as
suggested on the next Tuesday night.

'I am God,' he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face, 'I
have ordained it. You must have sex with me.'

The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal
sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.

'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.

'Ha-ha!,' he cries. 'I am the hippie!'

'Ha-ha!,' cries the nun. 'I'm the bus driver!'

Story time!

A mama camel and her baby camel are talking one day when the little one ask... mama, why I have got these 3 toed feets?


Mama Camel replies, Well my little camel, when we trek a cross the dessert, your little toe will help you stay on top of the sand so that it will prevent you from sinking.

I see! said the little camel.

A few moments later, the little camel ask, Mama camel again....why I have hese lovely long eye-lashes?

Mama camel replies, well...my little one, they are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the long journey through the hot dessert.

Thats wonderful Mama, replies the little camel.

A short while later the little camel asks again , Mama...Why I have got these great ugly humps on my back? I don't see other animals have it on them.

Mama Camel replies, We are Camels!!! Oh yes about the humps, they are there to help you
store water for our long journey a cross the dessert so we can go without drinking water for very long periods.


Wow!! That great, replies the little camel. We have great feet to stop us from sinking into the sand, long eyes-lashes to keep the sand from entering our eyes and the humps to store water, BUT Mama !!!

Yes, my little camel? replies Mama camel.


BUT THEN,


"WHAT THE 'FARK' ON EARTH ARE WE DOING IN THE ZOO?? "

Lesson on speaking proper chinese words

There other day while I was blog hopping, suddenly I stumble upon Yinsi Yat's blog. The conversation between Mr Bernard and the aunty is just hilarious. After that I looked into Yubetube and found this. Chinese people are the one who speak vulgar words in their daily life.

You will hear that people will add vulgar words between their sentences. But according to Professor Danny Wong, he said that the vulgar words are wrongly constructed most of time. When said it wrongly, you can get beaten up!

Professor Danny Wong has 50 years experiences in exploring vulgar words and he said that the 5 basic element in saying vulgar words MUST have the words TIU, HAI, KAU, LAN and CHAT. Expression while saying vulgar words play an important role too. Watch this short video about the conversations.

Do you eat eel?

I could remember the good old days when I was still a notty boy when I was young. My favorite pass time was catching guppies and fighting fish in the drains. My friends and I we having great time netting the fighting fish when suddenly a small snake appeared. As a little boy that time all I know it was a snake! Immediately, I had it netted and thrown on the bank-side and stampeded it to death. Today, whenever I catch an eel, I could not help but to think of this silly funny episode.

So sorry for didn't update my blog recently. I was away fishing eel last couple of days. Our favorite spot are Tanjung Karang, Sekinchan, Sungai Besar and Sabak Bernam. It is impossible to miss the lovely sight of the padi farms. The boys are so excited and so am I. Eel fishing is about speed. you can actually make an extra pocket money fishing eels. The restaurants people in town of Sg Besar and Sekinchan are ready customer to buy your catch. Hey, most probably the eels you are eating at the restaurant in Sekinchan are catch by me!!! wakakaka

My arsenal for this trip included the "Ugly stik" fishing rod and my Penn reel spooled with PowerPro braid 30lb. I use size 4 hook (needle point) high carbon hooks. The eels has a small pointed mouth with very sharp jaws, therefore the sharper the hook the better. Remember to armed yourself with a plier. We use chicken meat as baits which is easily available. It is cut into small cubes and distributed evenly and off we go hunting down the eels!!! When you want to eat eels, it is best cook with "kung poh" style. Ask any restaurant cook he'll know! So want to eat eels, anyone? Hehehehe





I'm so exhausted now! I want to sleep!!

Weird Fish

Look what they have found in Chelyabinsk city. The story is that there was a construction site with a deep foundation ditch. They have touched some underground river in that place so the water in the ditch didn't get away so it stayed there full of water.

Then some workers a few months later spotted some movement in this water, they threw some pieces of their lunch in the trench which caused a big activity inside. They were puzzled who is there? And caught one thing up then in big panic stepped away cause it tried to bite them so they had to kill it with some equipment and here are the remains of it. It was around 5 feet length. Nobody of them got any idea of what's that: